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Counting down to dawn by ~almostlovers:iconalmostlovers:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open



iv.

There were no drains in the room as water spread around to the feel of silence. With fingers made of cold textiles he felt the silk of her hair and watched as her skin took on the color of fluorescent lights. He thought he saw her lashes flicker, but the quarter-sized bruises on her neck were just starting to show. Her hand now had the delicacy of marble as it rested just beyond the water's edge, the bathtub gleaming like a polished shell. The air weighed down with chloroform as he felt the stillness of dead leaves captured in a moment. His socks were wet and he shivered for an audience that couldn't see. It was autumn and he was alone.

iii.

It felt like the atmosphere was crushing her bones, and she kept clasping her wrist in an effort to keep herself together. It felt like winter falling, the snow covering the frailty behind her eyes, and she was trying to remember what it felt like to be warm. His feet wandered the floor and her eyes followed him, but it was like tracing pencil marks in the shade. She was holding paper cups to an ocean and wishing she could count how many it would take to drown in, but she was already gasping for air.


ii.

He saw the girl with parts of the sky for eyes take small steps towards him, her auburn hair gleaming in the sun. With one last bite she finished the strawberry, threw the leaves to the grass, and asked what he was doing. Her fragrance was like running barefoot in the rain or catching fireflies to make a promise. With a glance in her direction her cheeks blushed and he felt his mentality of calculations slipping to the ground he stood on. He remembered thinking she felt as ethereal as spring evenings caught in a photograph, but by then the essence was lost. Pulling a flower from the dirt he went to hand it to her, only to find the petals crushed under his fingers. Things like that were too delicate to last in his world.


i.

She had both eyes closed while she tasted summer, the edge of her skirt being pulled by the wind. Strawberry in hand, she noticed there was something about the boy with gray eyes as he leaned against the bark of a nearby tree. He kept tracing a finger against the wood and from where she sat she could feel the rawness of his skin as he continued. She glowed like the light of a candle as the flame burned closer to the wax, a knife point away from blowing out, but it added to her innocence. She liked playing with danger, and her eyes matched the skyline while it faded to dusk. With a smile she made her way towards him. She was the kind to play with matches in a storm, knowing the flame burned less in the rain.

She was waiting for something to happen.
©2009 ~almostlovers
:iconalmostlovers:

Author's Comments

Soo I had to write a poem using strawberries and bathtub for my Creative Writing class, and this is what I got.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlaughing-and-crying:
~Laughing-And-Crying Nov 15, 2009, 2:06:03 PM
I love it. It's quite excellent. Very creative indeed.

--
Apathy is a death wish, but I don't care. You still haven't captured my interest. Try harder.
:iconalmostlovers:
~almostlovers Nov 15, 2009, 2:09:07 PM
Thank you. :heart:

--
I think you're a boy with eyes like wishing wells that never come true.
When it's almost a heartbeat away from silence she curls up in closets and the lack of oxygen makes her feel like she can fly.
:iconlaughing-and-crying:
~Laughing-And-Crying Nov 15, 2009, 2:39:51 PM
It's no problem at all. My pleasure, in fact, to have the privelage of commenting on the work of a genious such as yourself.

--
Apathy is a death wish, but I don't care. You still haven't captured my interest. Try harder.
:iconangelwbrokenwings:
*angelwbrokenwings Nov 15, 2009, 5:58:30 PM
Very well done! I love how you parallel the character's feelings with nature. I find myself doing the same thing with my writing, at times. I find it a way to really provide the reader a vivid visualization of what's going on.

--
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “;Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”~A.A. Milne
______________________________ ________
~He taught me how to love, but not how to stop.
:icon13izabelle13:
~13IzABelle13 Nov 15, 2009, 6:55:55 PM
words fail me.
this is amazing.
what did ur teacher say???
:heart:

--
I fell in love with a storybook
with pages of brightly-lit sky
and paper of dying stars
and words of leftover wishes
and binding of heartstrings

E.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. is Dying

:snowflake: :heart: :snowflake:
:iconjustaloveletteraway:
~justaloveletteraway Nov 16, 2009, 12:47:23 AM
love it love it love it love it so much I can't stop talking about how much i love it
:iconalmostlovers:
~almostlovers Nov 16, 2009, 12:56:41 PM
awwe, haha I'm glad. :heart:
Thanks so much!

:icongwompplz:

--
I think you're a boy with eyes like wishing wells that never come true.
When it's almost a heartbeat away from silence she curls up in closets and the lack of oxygen makes her feel like she can fly.
:iconalmostlovers:
~almostlovers Nov 16, 2009, 1:14:32 PM
Thank you. :]

--
I think you're a boy with eyes like wishing wells that never come true.
When it's almost a heartbeat away from silence she curls up in closets and the lack of oxygen makes her feel like she can fly.
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